From Notes to Snaps: Why Teen Dating Looks Different Today

From Notes to Snaps: Why Teen Dating Looks Different Today

I’ve been working with teens for my entire career, and I’ve watched the culture around dating shift dramatically. Teens today aren’t dating the way my generation did. In fact, many aren’t dating at all—and that means they’re missing out on opportunities to learn how relationships work and what they want in a partner. Building those skills takes practice, and for a lot of young people, that practice just isn’t happening. It’s not unusual for me to sit with a college senior who has never been on a single date.

Over the past 30 years, the world has changed in ways that impact how teens connect. We’ve gone from passing notes to sending Snaps, from flirty conversations to flirty memes, from “dating” to simply “talking to”—whatever that really means. Honestly, I don’t think anyone fully knows.

I’m not suggesting that teens should be serial daters. But I do believe they should take the chance to talk with someone they’re interested in—face-to-face—and practice the social skills that help them build confidence, connection, and eventually, healthier relationships.

That’s why I was struck by an op-ed written by Gabby, a 17-year-old, in Teen Vogue. She shares her perspective on what it feels like to grow up as a “digital dater,” and it’s eye-opening to hear directly from a teen about how confusing and frustrating romance can feel in today’s online world. 

Key Points from Gabby’s Op-Ed

• Teens are replacing traditional dating with “situationships” and online “talking stages.”
• Social media apps like Snapchat shape how teens connect, flirt, and define relationships.
• Many young people feel unsure or dissatisfied with what dating even means in the digital age.
• Without real-life practice, teens miss opportunities to develop communication, conflict resolution, and emotional skills that healthy relationships require.

What Adults Can Do

• Start conversations early. Talk openly about what healthy dating looks like—even if your teen isn’t dating yet.
• Encourage face-to-face interactions. Help them practice real-world social skills through everyday opportunities.
• Discuss boundaries and respect. Reinforce that relationships are about kindness, expectations, and mutual respect.
• Share your own stories. Hearing how dating worked before social media helps teens put today’s culture in perspective.
• Be a guide, not a judge. Remind teens it’s okay to make mistakes and learn along the way.

Dating is practice for life. If our teens never get the chance to practice, they head into adulthood without the tools to build healthy, lasting relationships. We, as invested adults, can help guide them through the noise of digital culture and toward real-life connection.

Stay connected,

– Ryan