Being Intentional With Technology: How We Introduced Our Kids to Social Media and Devices

Being Intentional With Technology: How We Introduced Our Kids to Social Media and Devices

Being a parent today is a hard job. We are constantly cooking, cleaning, running kids to soccer, band, dance, church, youth group—you name it. Coordinating everyone’s schedule alone can feel like a full-time job! And in the middle of the chaos, it’s easy to forget just how impressionable kids really are.

We know we’re role models when it comes to spirituality, healthy eating, managing money responsibly, showing respect, and holding strong morals and values. But we often overlook that we are also role models when it comes to how we use technology. Our kids see us scrolling, checking notifications, and “playing” on our phones far more than we realize. And while it’s cute when our kids pick up our love of sports or enjoy walking and yoga with us, it’s not cute if they one day pick up habits like texting while driving or scrolling when they should be paying attention.

Kids absorb everything—they’re like little sponges. It’s our responsibility to teach them how to use technology with responsibility, respect, and safety. Because our kids’ childhoods include devices that didn’t exist when we were growing up, we had to be intentional about creating boundaries, expectations, and a gradual introduction to online life.

I’d like to share the rules and strategies we’ve used in our home with our 17-year-old daughter and 14-year-old son. These have evolved over time as our kids have shown responsibility and maturity.

Starting With a “Family iPad”

The first device we brought into our home was a shared family iPad, when our daughter was about 9 and our son was about 6. In a world where nearly every child has their own device, we wanted to establish early on that this was not a personal item—it belonged to the whole family.

When a child believes a device is theirs, it’s easy for them to feel entitled to more freedom than they’re ready for. Because the iPad is powerful (and expensive!), starting with a shared device set the tone: technology is a tool, not a toy, and not a personal possession.

Here are the initial rules that worked very well:

1. Clear expectations before use
   Chores and schoolwork had to be completed before using the iPad.
2. Time limits and earning extra time
   They could play approved games for 15 minutes and set a timer themselves.
   If they wanted more time, they could use an educational app for 15 minutes to earn an extra 15 minutes of play.
3. We controlled the Wi-Fi password
4. We controlled the App Store password
5. We approved all apps
   Apps had to fit the App Store age rating and pass our content standards.
   We don’t lie about age to access apps. If we teach honesty, that includes online honesty.
   For example, TikTok is now rated 13+ and includes: “Cartoon or Fantasy Violence – Profanity or Crude Humor – Mature or Suggestive Themes – Alcohol, Tobacco, Drug Use or References, Sexual Content or Nudity”. Just because a 13+ rating exists doesn’t mean it aligns with what’s appropriate or healthy for our kids. We use the age rating as a guideline, not the final word.
6. Messaging was limited
   They could iMessage me, their dad, the babysitter, and a family friend—only with permission and with transparency.
7. No devices in bedrooms
   The iPad stayed in shared areas for two reasons:
   A) Reduce temptation and potential misuse
   B) Establish the expectation early that phones also won’t be used in bedrooms later
8. No Wi-Fi on the road
   We didn’t stream movies or use constant entertainment in the car. They could play offline games for 15 minutes, and then we turned to conversation, car games, or simply enjoying the moment.

Teaching Digital Safety Early

The family iPad gave us natural opportunities to teach:
• Online safety
• Privacy
• What hackers are
• What to do if they stumble on something inappropriate
• Why they should always come to us with concerns

These early conversations built trust and laid the foundation for future digital responsibility.

As the kids grew and demonstrated maturity, we gradually relaxed some rules. They earned more time on the iPad, could message more friends, and our daughter eventually joined a few group chats.

Introducing iPods Around Age 12

Around age 12, we introduced personal iPods, and we saw each child use them differently:
• Our daughter used hers mainly for music and games.
• Our son listened to sports podcasts and played games.

Once they showed responsibility—turning the device in every evening, staying within their one-hour limit, keeping it safe—we allowed them to add iMessage. At first, communication was limited to approved contacts, but as they matured, we allowed additional friends and a few group chats.

We also made it clear that:
• Messages should not be deleted without approval.
• We would be doing spot checks.
These spot checks have led to excellent, healthy conversations and opened doors to discussing real-world social and emotional situations.

The “Family Cell Phone” for Work Responsibilities

When our daughter began babysitting and our son started refereeing around age 13, they needed a way to contact us when not near Wi-Fi. Because they weren’t ready for personal cell phones yet, we introduced the family cell phone.

This phone is checked out as needed for:
• Babysitting jobs
• Refereeing
• Youth camp
• Band and color guard competitions
When it’s not needed, it stays with us.

Getting Their Own Phones Around 9th Grade

When they reached about 14 years old (around 9th grade), and demonstrated consistent responsibility, we allowed them to get their own cell phones. They also pay their portion of the family phone bill to learn financial responsibility.

We continue to talk openly about the pressures around social media. Most kids their age have multiple apps—Snapchat, TikTok, Instagram, etc. Our kids may ask about them, but we move slowly and thoughtfully.

Just because “everyone else” has TikTok does not mean that it’s automatically best for their mental, emotional, or spiritual health.

We remind them:
It’s okay to be in the world but not of the world.
That applies to technology just as much as anything else.

The Importance of Ongoing Communication

Open and consistent communication has been key. Co-parenting with unity around technology rules has made everything smoother. Many of our expectations are spelled out in our Technology Contract and the “Plan Before You Post” pledge.

Our goal is to raise kids who are wise, thoughtful digital citizens, not impulsive consumers of content.

Gradual exposure to technology has given us the opportunity to walk alongside them—coaching, teaching, and guiding them as they learn to navigate today’s digital world safely and responsibly.

We can’t sit back and hope they figure it out.
We need to be intentional, engaged, and consistent.

~ Sherri Klingensmith, LPC, NCC