The Rubber Band Effect

The Rubber Band Effect

Recently, I was watching a YouTube video from the Center for Humane Technology called The AI Dilemma. It’s from 2023, which feels like light years ago in terms of AI development. But there was an idea in that presentation that stuck with me, and I’ve adapted it into how I end my trainings.

Think about stretching a rubber band. You pull it, hold it for a moment, and then let go. It returns to its familiar shape. Sometimes we do something similar with new information. We hear an idea that stretches how we understand the world. We can follow it, and we might even agree with it. But once we return to our routines, it’s easy to slip back into the way we thought about things before.

I see this with technology, and I catch myself doing it too. We can recognize that something has changed without fully changing how we think about it or respond to it.

“It’s Just a Phone”

During my trainings, I ask people to think about the device in their pocket, on their desk, or possibly in their hand as they read this. We call it a phone. But how much of our time on it is actually spent making phone calls? We use it to watch videos, take pictures, manage money, get directions, play games, read the news, shop, work, and talk to AI. Somewhere in there, we occasionally call someone.

I call it a personal pocket computer. And handing a child a personal pocket computer sounds a little different from giving them a phone “for safety.” A parent might be thinking, “I want my child to call me when practice ends.” That makes sense. But depending on how the device is set up, we may also be providing internet access, social media, private messages, games, access to strangers, and an AI chatbot ready to answer questions at two in the morning.

When I explain this in a training, people usually get it. They can see how the name influences what we think we’re giving a child. We start considering the decision differently when we acknowledge everything that comes with that device.

Then life gets busy. The child asks for a phone, their friends all have phones, and we’re comparing phone plans. Before long, we’re back to that familiar phrase: “It’s just a phone.” The rubber band snaps back, and that broader understanding can get lost in the everyday conversation.

When Familiar Words Keep Us Comfortable

I think we do this with AI too. We hear about what an AI chatbot can do, see a demonstration, and begin to consider what that might mean for young people. Then we return to phrases like “It’s just a tool” or “It’s just AI.” Those phrases can end a conversation before we’ve really had it.

A young person might use AI to brainstorm a story, understand a math problem, or make a funny picture. They might also use it to talk about a breakup, ask questions they’re embarrassed to ask an adult, or look for reassurance when they feel alone. Calling all of that “using a tool” doesn’t tell us much about the experience the young person is having.

We have to stay curious long enough to understand what they’re doing, what they’re getting from it, and where they may need us. That takes some stretching. It also takes practice, because familiar explanations are comfortable. They let us fit something new into a category we already understand and get on with our day. With so much changing so quickly, I understand the appeal.

I’m Still Adjusting to the Missing CD Player

I recently watched Tesla demonstrate a Roadster that could briefly take to the air. Tesla says production is planned for 2028. I don’t know when I’ll see one doing anything like that in everyday life, but apparently I need to start making room for the possibility.

Folks, I’m still reconciling the fact that my vehicle doesn’t have a CD player. Now I’m supposed to stretch my understanding of what a car can do while I’m still wondering where to put my music collection. Give me a minute.

It’s funny, but it helps me remember something about the kids growing up around us. Many of the things that require an adjustment for us will simply be part of the world they know. If flying cars ever become ordinary, I can imagine some future kid saying, “What’s the big deal, Dad? Cars have always flown.” We’ll have a whole story about how cars used to stay on the ground, and they’ll wonder why we’re telling it again.

Their Starting Point Is Different

Kids have familiar expectations too, and their world will keep changing as they grow. But they don’t share all of our memories of life before these technologies. Something that feels like a major shift to us may feel completely ordinary to them.

Many adults remember when getting online was something we deliberately sat down to do. We remember waiting to hear from someone, getting lost without turn-by-turn directions, and having questions we couldn’t immediately look up. Young people may understand those experiences when we describe them, but understanding a story about the past is different from having lived it.

For a child growing up with AI, talking to a chatbot may feel ordinary. That familiarity doesn’t automatically provide the judgment to know when its advice is useful, when to question it, or when to bring a concern to a person. Knowing how to use something and understanding how it might influence your decisions are different skills.

This is where we have something to offer. Our experience with relationships, disappointment, responsibility, boundaries, and consequences still belongs in these conversations. We need to understand enough about their digital world to connect that experience to what they’re living. They may know more about how a particular app works, but we still have a role in helping them think through what happens there.

Keep Stretching and Stay Connected

At the end of my trainings, I’ve started encouraging people to expect that pull back toward familiar thinking. You can learn something, find it useful, and still catch yourself returning to an old assumption a week later. That doesn’t mean the learning was wasted. It means you may need to revisit it and put it into practice.

When that happens, give yourself another opportunity to stretch. Ask a young person to show you something they enjoy. Try an AI feature you’ve been hearing about. Revisit a conversation about a device and consider whether the rules still fit what it can do. You don’t have to keep up with every update, but you do need to keep making room to learn.

Through all of that, remember: Kids Are More Than a Profile. There’s a young person behind the posts, messages, games, and AI conversations. They have interests, worries, friendships, hopes, and questions that we won’t understand from a screen time report alone. Learning about technology should help us get closer to that young person and have better conversations with them.

We need to keep stretching our understanding while bringing the experience, perspective, and care that kids still need from us. We can ask questions, learn alongside them, and help them think through a world that is changing for all of us. They need us, folks!

~Ryan